There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
