I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
