dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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