dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
