he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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