Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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