Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
