Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
