His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
