Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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