areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
