I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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