Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
