I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
