Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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