Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
