she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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