ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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