sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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