I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize