Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
