pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
