I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
