I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drake has all the answers
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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