Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
