Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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