I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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