I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
