just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
