Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
