Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
