my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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