4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
