Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize