Plan B is the new Plan A
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
