so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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