i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
