TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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