Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize