be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize