I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
