May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
