Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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