the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
