9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
