It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, beer. Big fan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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