Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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