whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need moral support for this bender
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize