the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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