I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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