my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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