Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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