is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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