I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
