Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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