there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
