I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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