Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
