Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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