we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
