yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
