I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
