I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
