Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
