if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize