i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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