so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
