Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
