I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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