Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize