just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
