I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
honey bunches of taint.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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