I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
