apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
