She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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