i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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