I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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