3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
