Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
