he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
